I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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