so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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