I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize