NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
