Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
