there's paper in my vomit.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
