I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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