Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
