well I can't set my house on fire every night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
