you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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