Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
