I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
