dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
