I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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