Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just gargled with NyQuil
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize