Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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