i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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