I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
