If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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