thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
