id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
