half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize