The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
