I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
