this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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