We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
