my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
