woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
