...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
