Sorry, I don't speak sober.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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