I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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