By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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