before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
