To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize