just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
