It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
