Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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