I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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