May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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