Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
