At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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