hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
