eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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