the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize