Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
