I've blown a few things in my day
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
