I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
it was like eating out sand paper
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
