"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
