We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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