me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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