Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
