nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
