Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
