carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
a search helicopter?!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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