yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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