why didn't you poke me back
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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