got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
