Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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