IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
