THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
