I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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