Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
