He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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