Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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