Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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