i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
