You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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