My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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