Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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