i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
