need another drink. this is the easiest way
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
