Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
