we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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