Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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