I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
