Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
