marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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