Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
