Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
