I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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