Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The best revenge is premature balding
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
