I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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