Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
