is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
