Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
