The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
