peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
