Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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