there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
