he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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