hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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