fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
