what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
