Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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