I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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