My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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