I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
