What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
