I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
