It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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