are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
