im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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