I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
