You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
