Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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